Sunday, July 31, 2011

Shutting down

I may be shutting down this blog soon. I haven't been feeling up to writing and the gaps between posts seem to be getting longer and longer. I apologize for this to anyone who might be reading, but it's obvious that I don't have the energy to keep this up. I can't begin to describe how fatigued I am all the time and how much it takes out of me every time I do anything at all. I need to move out by April, which MAY mean I have to go back to work yet again (hopefully will be able to STAY there, although haven't had any luck so far). I doubt I'll be able to do this and keep up with everything else. My sister came for a visit for about 3 days and I'm feeling completely wiped out for the past 3 days. I can't imagine how I'll feel going to work every day. I can hardly stay awake right now. I used to fall asleep at my desk at work, or go home and nap when I worked out of my car. I have always had this issue for as long as I can remember. I know it's not normal, but the doctors I've seen so far don't seem to be concerned about this at all. I have no faith in them whatsoever. My only chance at getting better, I think, is to either get on disability and then on Medicare or Medicaid (although that's only because I'd see actual medical doctors instead of medical students) or else going to work and getting actual medical insurance (which is better than nothing, although I'd prefer national health care---I'd love to move to Canada or France). So, barring any of those things, which don't seem likely at this point, I have no idea what to do. I feel horrible and no one seems to care. No one knows how to help me. I'm still depressed. I just need to take care of myself right now and I don't even have the energy to do that. I'll still think about this for a few days, but right now, I think I might as well shut down.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Everyone is now adjusting to the loss of my uncle. Of course, he was my favorite uncle or I wouldn't be so distraught. But we all know it was for the best considering how much pain he was in. That's the only thing that helps us now. It has been a few weeks, so everyone had gone back to his or her routine. My grandmother is taking it the hardest since she'd already lost my aunt and now she lost a son. Her brother-in-law passed not long ago. It's all been really hard for her. As long as she's keeping busy, she seems fine, but as soon as she's alone for a while, she dwells on the losses and gets really down. We all think she should be on an anti-depressant, but she doesn't want to take it.

Other than that, I had my 40th birthday. No party or anything, but I spent the day with my dad, eating out and then a little shopping. He'd given me a gift card to Bath and Body Works, so I wanted to spend it during their Hello Yellow Sale. : P

My friend "I", whom I haven't seen in nearly 5 years, came to visit for a couple of days. Her family came down to Texas mainly to visit her husband's family who have been dealing with illnesses and I's family wanted to spend time with them just in case. She had time to take me to lunch (I thought I was going to pay for mine, but she wanted to pay for it as a birthday gift). We went to Sushihana, which is obviously a Japanese restaurant here in town. The service was excellent and the food was amazing. Everyone loved it, even I's teenage daughter who didn't even want to try it if it wasn't sushi. At the end, I ordered dessert. She ordered 2 different ones for all of us to share (there were 4 of us), but the waiter overheard her say it was my birthday and brought a tiny one just for me of the green tea creme brulee. It was sooooooo good. : )

I spent the rest of the day with I and her family. We went back to the hotel where her husband and son told us about their trip to HEB, which they'd obviously missed. Everyone there was really friendly toward them, which they say they don't get in the northeast. Her son had gotten a lot of Jelly Belly jelly beans which he was sharing among everyone, although I was really too full from lunch to have many of them.

Anyway, my twin sis R is going to be visiting soon, too. I'm really looking forward to seeing her. She just got back from New York, so I'm sure I'll hear more about her trip. She posted her pictures on Facebook, but I'm sure she'll have more.

I've taken up crocheting since I couldn't afford to keep buying beads. They're really expensive and yarn is relatively cheap and takes a while to work. I've made a lot of things since this past winter when I started and am now working on my first tank top. Before it was afghans, scarves, and socks. I hope it goes well because I want to make other clothes and some gifts for friends for Christmas and birthdays coming up.

So, some good things have happened to take away the sting. I'm glad I got to spend so much time with my uncle before he passed. He really had a great sense of humor and was a really sweet person.