Sunday, July 31, 2011

Shutting down

I may be shutting down this blog soon. I haven't been feeling up to writing and the gaps between posts seem to be getting longer and longer. I apologize for this to anyone who might be reading, but it's obvious that I don't have the energy to keep this up. I can't begin to describe how fatigued I am all the time and how much it takes out of me every time I do anything at all. I need to move out by April, which MAY mean I have to go back to work yet again (hopefully will be able to STAY there, although haven't had any luck so far). I doubt I'll be able to do this and keep up with everything else. My sister came for a visit for about 3 days and I'm feeling completely wiped out for the past 3 days. I can't imagine how I'll feel going to work every day. I can hardly stay awake right now. I used to fall asleep at my desk at work, or go home and nap when I worked out of my car. I have always had this issue for as long as I can remember. I know it's not normal, but the doctors I've seen so far don't seem to be concerned about this at all. I have no faith in them whatsoever. My only chance at getting better, I think, is to either get on disability and then on Medicare or Medicaid (although that's only because I'd see actual medical doctors instead of medical students) or else going to work and getting actual medical insurance (which is better than nothing, although I'd prefer national health care---I'd love to move to Canada or France). So, barring any of those things, which don't seem likely at this point, I have no idea what to do. I feel horrible and no one seems to care. No one knows how to help me. I'm still depressed. I just need to take care of myself right now and I don't even have the energy to do that. I'll still think about this for a few days, but right now, I think I might as well shut down.

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