Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My Ex

So, a while back, about 3 years ago, I dated a man I'll call N. It was winter and we knew each other for about 3 months before he was laid off at his job and had to move to Austin. This isn't a huge distance, only about an hour and a half drive from San Antonio, but we ended up losing touch. I really didn't know why or what had been going on with him in that time. But I found him on Facebook and sent him a friend request, which he accepted. Now, just recently, he wants to pick up where we left off. Of course, I really can't do that. A lot has happened and it has been 3 years, after all. But I did agree to drive up there last Monday for a visit.

I am not going to write about what we talked about necessarily, but I found out what had happened to him in the intervening years and much of it was very unpleasant or else he had no computer. So, he would have made a much greater effort if it had not been for this. I suppose I'm happy to hear that to some degree, although I'm sad to hear what he had to go through. In some ways I have missed him a great deal. We agreed that we would remain friends, whatever happened, and he is a friend at this point. I would like it to develop more, but it is just way to early to say. In other ways, a lot of things have happened. I've dated a little more since then. Those didn't work into relationships, but I've discovered some of what I like in men and some of what I don't. I don't know if N and I are compatible any more. We have stuff in common, but I'm a different person now than I was then. He finds me immensely attractive, which is a nice feeling since I don't get that very often. He is attractive to me, also, although not in the classic way. Still, I find other men easier to talk to on the phone, for instance. N is very quiet and doesn't say much. He has a sense of humor, but overall he is quiet as a person and somewhat serious. I don't know if this is really someone I could see myself with in another 5 years. I guess I just think it's too early to tell at this stage.

So, at this point, I have mixed feelings. I don't want to lead him on, but I also don't want to turn down another chance. Things could develop further, you know? Maybe after I've spent more time with him, I'll change my mind. At this point, we're friends, though. I'm interested in it becoming more and I think we have enough in common to keep it going for a little while. I don't know whether it will be long term or not. I don't want to ignore other men who come along, but I don't see myself as the type to date more than one person at a time. I'd feel horrible about myself. So, still don't know what to do. Maybe Sunday will help clear things up. Maybe it will be a few weeks from now. We'll see.

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