Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Am I still depressed?

I feel better overall, but it's hard for me to decide whether there are other issues besides the fatigue right now. Partly this is because I know that even people without depression can feel down or sad sometimes. I've been sad lately, although not much has really occurred to be sad about. Sometimes, it's just a song that hits in the right place, or an episode of "Doctor Who" or "Star Trek" (yes, I'm a nerd. I don't think I've made a secret of this...). It just seems to be minor things that will set me off crying. I miss my old poodle, Qui-Qui, like crazy. Everything reminds me of him and I dreamed of him the other night. When I remembered that part of the dream later that day, I broke down in tears. He passed away about 5 years ago now, so this isn't exactly grieving, is it? I've been okay, mostly, the past, say, 3 years about this. I think that it could be just about anything that would make me feel emotional about now. Is my medication not working anymore? Or, was it never as good as I thought it was? I have an appointment in another 2 and a half weeks, so I want to know what to tell my doctor. Does she adjust the medication? I'm afraid to do so. I can hardly sleep as it is, and I'm so tired from lack of sleep that I can't wake up in the mornings. I tried setting the alarm and avoiding naps to see if I slept better at night. But I don't, and I will sleep right through the alarm if I'm too tired. I just don't hear it at all. Other times, I hear it, but am too exhausted to get out of bed, so I'll just hit snooze about 3 or 4 times. By then, it's not as early as I'd like. I wanted to get up around 7 or 8, but that's beyond my abilities right now. I set the alarm for 9, but have trouble sticking to that. Maybe I'll set it for 8:30 and see if I can get up by 9, instead of setting it for 9 and getting up about 9:30 or 9:45, depending on how well I slept. I don't know if it makes any difference, though. I can be really exhausted and still not sleep. Maybe I'm somewhat manic? Don't know.

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