Noisy new place...

Well, it's been a while since I was blogging. For one thing, I got extremely depressed and did not want to have anything to do with anybody or anything. I'm still not working. My disability case is still being worked on, but I got a lawyer this time. Been denied twice so far. Now it's down to a hearing sometime in the future (really, couldn't this be speeded up somehow?). I hope I'll hear about it enough in advance to prepare. It's been months since this whole thing started. Really, with me being suicidal and not being able to afford treatment, that's not good that I have to wait that long. Even so, I know that there is medical care available with the disability payments. It's just that it's cost-prohibitive. I doubt it helps at all, because I'd be paying for the plan, plus deductibles and co-payments. When you add all that up, it will probably be more expensive than what I'm paying now with no coverage. Gosh our medical system sucks. And no, I haven't seen "Sicko". I hear it's good, but I'm afraid it will just make me more pissed at the government than I already am. Yes, I'm jaded. I admit it.

Anyway, in other news, we've moved. Could no longer afford the old apartment and had to move into one that is $200 a month cheaper. So, nowhere near as nice, not that we could afford anything really nice the first time. The neighbors are noisy and the apartment management (who put it in the lease that loud noise was unacceptable) do nothing at all. Actually, they don't do much about anything else unless you badger them several times. My drain was stopped up for weeks! So, although my room is bigger and there's actually a walk-in closet for all my art supplies (well, some are stored at Grandma's--even the walk-in closet wasn't big enough for ALL of it), I still feel bummed and irritable because it's never just quiet. I need quiet sometimes. I just can't relax with noise going on all the time. I'm not sleeping well. It's certainly not helping my mood or my depression.

Still, on the Lamictal, I'm doing somewhat better. We're up to 75 mg a day now. I've only been on the new dose for a couple of days, though. On 50 mg, I was still having episodes, although they didn't seem quite as severe (still bad enough, though). I'm still taking Trileptal, although I don't see the point. I guess my doctor was afraid to take me off of it without the Lamictal being up to theraputic levels yet. But really, if the Trileptal had worked I wouldn't be needing the Lamictal. My anxiety has gotten worse. I had panic attacks and went back up to 100 mg of Zoloft, although I know it could make the manic episodes come back. I just couldn't stand the panic attacks. Hopefully this will all get straightened out at some point. I know my doctor doesn't want me on too many medications and will take me off the Trileptal and Zoloft when I'm feeling better. Hopefully that won't be too much longer. I'm really sick of this.

Anyway, I guess I just had to vent a little. Not much going on except medical stuff most of the time. I was volunteering at this artist-in-residence program/art gallery here in town. However, they said they didn't need me this coming semester. I'm really sorry about that because I enjoyed it, even though all I could manage was 10 hours a week (and was sick for 4 days in the 2 months I was there). At least since I was a volunteer I didn't get fired. I will finish the neon pieces that need to be done, but after that I don't know. I let them know I'm interested in working there permanently, although it will have to be part-time, of course.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Hope everyone out there is feeling okay and not as depressed as I am.

GO SPURS GO!!!

They're up 3 games to 1. Mad they lost the 1 as they could have swept the series, but they must have not wanted it bad enough that afternoon. But, I'm sure they'll win the 1st round. I doubt Phoenix can win 3 more in a row. Spurs only have to win 1 more, after all. I like the playoffs and I also hate them. Nerve-wracking, but they're exciting games to watch. Hope they do well. I think the next game is tonight, so we'll see how they do.

Today, I've got a doctor's appointment. It's mainly because it's time to have a thyroid test, but I've been having other problems as well. I've been having these gastrointestinal problems for a long time. Like maybe a year and a half or so. It started out as just periodic nausea. Then, the nausea became acute and I began throwing up. It would be so bad I'd need a prescription medication to stop it. It's progressed now to where I also have diarrhea in addition to the nausea. Again, it's periodic, so I'll be fine for a while, then suddenly it'll hit me and knock me out for a couple of days. Then, I'm okay again. It's really annoying and it's impacting my life as it can be so severe, so I'm hoping there's something he can do about it. The other thing is that I don't think I'm doing as well on Synthroid as I was on Levoxyl. I have drier skin, etc., etc., all the hypothyroid symptoms, even though my hormone levels have been testing normal. Plus, I've been having fainting spells. It feels like it does when my blood pressure drops suddenly, so I'm thinking I keep having unsafe low blood pressure that causes me to become light-headed and then faint. Not good. I don't know if that's related to the thyroid thing or not, so I've got to tell the doctor about it.

Not much going on lately besides that. I have a psychiatrist appointment next week, where I will discuss those sorts of issues such as my stress level and how absent-minded I've been. Don't know if the nausea might relate to my meds or not, but it seems like it's not related as I haven't had any med changes in a very long time, like much more than a year and a half ago. So the timing is off there for me to think it's related. But I can mention it if my other doctor can't find anything else wrong with me. Or maybe that appointment is at the end of this week. Now I can't remember. I have it written down on my calendar. I just haven't looked at it recently. I need to check before I go off anywhere today.

Got to go to the library today, too. The two books I'd requested are there waiting and I thought I'd look for this other book that I read about. I think they have it there, so I'll just see if it's not checked out. Been reading a lot since there aren't that many jobs out there to sift through. It doesn't take me as long as it used to to get through them all. Sucks, but what can I do? Just keep looking. Well, I guess I'd better go. Sorry my posts have been relatively depressing lately. Hopefully that'll change after my psychiatrist appointment, though. Hopefully I'll be more optimistic.

Absentee blogger

I know it's been a while. I did go to FW to visit R and co., but that only accounted for a week. Dad and I got back on Friday, exhausted. It literally took 2 hours to get halfway through Austin. Only halfway! As my carsickness got worse, Dad decided to pull off the highway, such as it was, and try cutting through downtown, which helped to a point. We did eventually have to get back on the highway, and were back in the traffic from hell. We never did see an accident or any such thing to account for it, so it's really still a mystery to us why it was so horrible. I mean, there's always traffic in Austin, but this was worse than we've ever seen it. I think R described something like that when she came down for Christmas, but it wasn't even a holiday last weekend.

Anyway, our visit was good. Got to see E a lot and go to Starbucks. Did some shopping. There's not a lot of tourist stuff to do in FW. I mean, you can do it once, then you don't really need to do it again. Just not much to do there at all really. Dad and I had to get our Tex-Mex fix when we got home because there isn't any decent Tex-Mex up there. Sorry FW, but you don't know what good Tex-Mex is. Personally, I'm convinced you can't get decent Tex-Mex outside of San Antonio. I know I'm a San Antonian and I'm extra-picky about it, but really I think it's true. Taco Bell doesn't count as Mexican food. So, we did that and not much else because we were still exhausted. I think I slept most of the day on Sunday. Feeling better now and a little more normal. I went to the library yesterday and went to read at Starbucks a little while. Nothing much. Then I got home to eat dinner and my blood pressure just dropped. I could barely keep my head up and my vision blurred. This really makes me mad because this started happening almost as soon as my doctor switched me from Levoxyl to Synthroid. I really think I felt better on Levoxyl, even though Synthroid is supposed to be the better medication. I just think my body doesn't respond well to it for some reason and I want to go back on Levoxyl, but I don't know when I'll be able to go back to the doctor. Hopefully in a week or so. I'm tired of this happening over and over again.

I also think it's time to adjust my Zoloft or my Trileptal. I've been more emotional, moody, irritable, sad, and overall depressed lately. I think last time I saw the doctor I thought it needed to be adjusted, but the doctor didn't think it was enough to adjust the medication. I'm sure he'd think it's time now. Don't know if I can move up my appointment, though, because he's always so busy. I can try, though. We'll see. : )

Well, I think I'll get back to the job hunt. Seems like that's all I ever do, but I can't give up yet. Talk to you later, peeps.